Portuguesmente falando

 Humor Calao Siemens Portugueses

Uma pérola: um e-mail absolutamente verídico enviado pela direcção da Siemens aos seus sub-dirigentes. As almas mais sensíveis não devem ler a segunda parte...

To all portuguese-speaking staff:

It as been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Portuguese-speaking staff. Such behaviour, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues.

Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules: Words like caralho, cagada and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion. You will not say tou cagando e andando when someone makes a mistake, or nao faca mais cagadas if you see somebody either being reprimanded or making a mistake, or que cagada when a major mistake has been made. All forms derived from the verb cagar are inappropriate in our environment. No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances, will be referred to as o filho da puta , esse corno or o paneleiro de merda. Lack of determination will not be referred as falta de tomates, and neither will persons who lack initiative be referred to as amorfo or morde a fronha.

Unusual creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as punhetas mentais. Do not say ganda melga if a person is persistent, or if a task is heavy to accomplish. In a similar way, do not use foda-se if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say ganda foda when matters become complicated. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say vai levar no cu. Do not substitute "may I help you?" with que raio de porra e que queres? When things get tough, an acceptable expression such as "we are going through a difficult time" should be used, rather than isto esta uma bosta or isto e uma merda.

No salary increase shall be referred to as aumento de merda. Under no circumstances should you call our elderly corporate partners velhos papa-anjo. Last, but not least, after reading this memo do not say vou limpar o cu com isso. Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.

We hope that you will keep this directions in mind.

Thank you

Human Resources Director

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