Oscar Wilde was great in his acuteness, originality and quotes about life, men and love. Woody Allen, however, is no worse, only a bit more pessimistic, almost nihilistic.
I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
I'm not a fighter, I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?
94.5% of all statistics are made up.
Why ruin a good story with the truth?
That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
Sex is like playing bridge: if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.